Deception of Feelings
by heintz571
Summary: Donna has some hidden secrets from the Doctor what happens when he finds out about them
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Deception of Feelings

Author: Flydye8

Pairings: Doctor/Donna

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them no matter how much I wish on a star

Summary: Donna reflects on her feelings. This is in response to Time Traveller's prompt doubt at the Doctor_Donna community.

Donna walked into the control room as the Doctor finished the landing sequence asking, "So where are we?"

Smiling he replied, "We are on the planet Posidious III I need to make some lubricant for the TARDIS and this is the only place that the silicone, for the lube can be found."

"Oh, alright." Donna replied somberly.

Walking up to her the Doctor looked at her inquisitively, "What is wrong, Donna, since we visited Agatha Christie you seem a bit off are you not feeling well?"

Shrugging off his concern Donna gave him a forced smile, "Oh nothing is wrong, spaceman. I can't get as excited as you about space lube."

"Are you sure?" The Doctor inquired once again.

"Yeah, so do what you need to do so we can go and visit an exciting planet." She replied with fake enthusiasm.

Turning from her the Doctor grabbed a bucket and hurried outside to get the sand he needed, "Okay I will get busy then."

Donna allowed the false smile to fall from her face as the Doctor exited the ancient ship. She was far from okay but didn't want the Doctor to see it.

Donna watched as the Doctor extracted the precious material for a bit, but soon felt herself become restless.

Standing up she stated, "I am going to go for a little walk spaceman."

A muffled, "Okay" floated in the air as she exited the doors.

As she walked along the beach Donna allowed her mind to work through the conflicting emotions that she had been having since she kissed the Doctor to save his life.

Doubt had always been a constant companion of hers, she use to doubt if her mother truly loved her, she use to doubt if she was a good worker, and she use to doubt if she would do anything useful in her life. Since she had started traveling with the Doctor all those self doubts disappeared with each adventure they had and with each compliment that the Doctor gave her.

She felt special, as the Doctor and she traveled together, but when she kissed him, for a brief moment in time she felt as if maybe they could be more. Until he callously brushed off her 'surprise' by saying that he should do the detoxifications more often, like she was some sort of medicine for him to take from time to time.

Donna knew she shouldn't take it personally but for some reason his statement hurt her and almost immediately all the self-doubt bombarded her once again causing her mind swill with insecurities. All because she felt something more in the rushed kiss that she and the Doctor shared.

Tears fell down her cheeks as the depression; she had fought for years, captured her heart and soul once again. Watching the waves, crash onto the shoreline Donna rose from her perch on the rocks and moved closer to the water. For a brief moment she considered going to a swim and allowing the water to take her to oblivion.

Appalled by her thoughts Donna stepped away from the water and ran to TARDIS trying to escape the feelings that consumed her.

Rushing through the blue doors and toward her room, to a surprised Doctor, she didn't hear him as he called out to her, "Donna, what is wrong."

Closing her door she locked it as she ran to her side table and pulled out a bottle of pills of anti-depressants and popped two of them and downed the glass of water that materialized for her.

Lying on the bed she cried cursing the fact that she still needed the damn pills. As sleep overcame her she hoped that when she woke up that her troubled emotions would be at bay once again. Then maybe she could face the Doctor, without showing him how much she doubted his affection and friendship for her.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Candor of Feelings

Author: Flydye8

Pairings: Doctor/Donna

Rating PG-13

Disclaimer: Nope I don't own them no matter how many times I wish on a star

Summary: Donna is fighting feelings of depression while sorting out the feelings that she has for the Doctor. This is a continuation of "Deception of Feelings"

Pacing the floor outside Donna's room, the Doctor debated if he should use his sonic screwdriver to unlock the door. He didn't want to impose on her privacy but his inner instincts were screaming at him to go in and see what was going on with Donna.

Deciding to listen to his instincts he pulled out his screwdriver, unlocking the door he opened it calling out softly, "Donna, I am coming in."

Receiving no reply he entered and moved slowly to the side of the bed, sitting gently on the edge he noticed the pill bottle on its side, with all the little tablets scattered on the side table. Reading the label his heart constricted with fear.

Bringing his attention back to Donna he brushed her hair aside exposing her unfocused open eyes to him. Startled at first, because he expected her to be asleep, the Doctor whispered quietly, "How many Donna?"

Donna replied timidly, knowing that he was asking how many pills she had taken, "Just two, no more."

Releasing the breath he was holding in, a sense of relief flooding through his body. Caressing her cheek he asked, "How long have you been on them?"

Moving her head so her eyes bore into his, "A month after you left, I started them."

"Why, Donna I thought you were okay."

Reacting to his statement, rising up from the bed she allowed the anger she was feeling to come forth, "In one day I found out that the man I loved and was going to marry, hated me and was going to feed me to a big spider, I was chased after by robots that wanted to kill me, I saw the spider empress, suffer because of the loss of her children, and finally I met a man that isn't a man that terrified and excited me at the same time. Now you tell me why the hell, do you think I went on those pills."

Backing away slightly because of Donna's ranting the Doctor for the first time was not sure what to say, so he did the smart thing and didn't say anything at all.

Laying back onto the bed Donna used her arm to cover her eyes before continuing, "When we started traveling together I kept taking them for a bit, but stopped when my nightmares went away…but something changed…never mind spaceman just let me sleep and I will be better in the morning."

Turning over on her side so her back was toward the Doctor she fought back the tears, determined not to cry while he was in the room.

Slowly the Doctor rose from the bed scooping up the small pills and placing them back into the container, questioning what happened that made her feel that she needed the medicine again. Walking toward her door he was about to leave when he heard a muffled cry from Donna.

Changing his mind he moved back to her bed, sitting down on it he removed his suit coat and his shoes. Lying down next to her he placed his chest against her back. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her close to him and kissed her hair, "Go ahead and cry Donna, I am right here, I will take care of you I promise."

Snuggling in his embrace Donna allowed the tears to come, responding to the offer of solace he gave her. As her sobs turned into hiccups, she felt herself succumb to sleep thinking that maybe she should not have doubted his friendship or affection for her.

The Doctor lay silently beside Donna giving her as much support as she wanted with his embrace. Soon he sensed her going to sleep; pulling her closer to him; he loved the way her body molded next to his. Closing his eyes, he breathed in her scent, and wondered if the thing that changed for her was the same thing that changed for him.

His feelings for this wonderful, beautiful woman, in his arms had changed from friendship to something more, as they have traveled together. If Donna felt the same way, there were going to be a lot of things discuss in the morning. But for now he would lay next to her and dream of loving the women in his arms and thinking of ways he could show her his love daily.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Resolution of Feelings

Author: Flydye8

Pairing: Donna/Doctor

Rating: pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play with them for a bit.

Summary: Donna is awaking from the anti-depressant induced sleep to find the Doctor next to her.

Authors Notes: This is takes place after of "Deception of Feelings" ., and "Candor of Feelings" .

Donna awoke a few hours later feeling a bit disorientated, she was in her bed but the double heartbeat she felt on her back was unexpected as was the arm around her waist. Without turning around she knew that it was the Doctor that lay behind her and according to his steady breath he was sleeping. Moving slowly around to face him she studied his face as he slept replaying the previous day's events in her mind.

She felt shame wash over her as she remembered her actions and thoughts. How could she doubt the Doctor's friendship and admiration for her, he had told her so many times that she was brilliant, so why was it so hard for her to believe him. Now if she could just remove the feelings of love that were emerging in her heart for the alien that lay next to her.

A croaked voice brought her out of her inner musings, "How are you feeling this morning?"

Smiling down at him she replied, "Much better thanks."

Rising up to get off the bed Donna felt herself held down by the strong grasp of the Doctor, "Donna we need to talk."

Not wanting to face her actions or her feelings she brushed him off, "Listen Doctor, I am sorry that I caused you to worry I am fine now. I just need to stay on my medication."

"What changed Donna?" the Doctor asked ignoring her reply.

"I don't know what you are talking about spaceman, nothing has changed." Donna tried to circumvent his questions.

"Donna, don't lie to me, I think we are beyond lying to each other." He replied allowing the frustration he was feeling to be heard in his words.

Wrestling out of his grasp, "I don't want to talk about it."

Sitting up on the bed he grabbed the pill bottle and held it up to her, "Donna, you said that you stopped taking these when we first started to travel together and you were fine. I demand to know what changed."

Bristling Donna spat, "You demand, I am not some sort of child that needs looking after."

"Obviously you are in need of being looked after especially if you feel you need to take these again!" He retorted allowing the anger to hide his hurt because she wouldn't talk to him.

"Get out of my room!" Donna yelled jumping off her bed, pointing to the door.

"I am not leaving till you tell me what has changed, love!" the Doctor responded just as loudly as he stood to face her.

Donna stared at him wondering if she heard right. She whispered, "What did you just say?"

Realizing what he just said, he responded knowing what she was questioning, "I said love."

"Why did you say that?"

Rubbing his hands through his hair he stammered, "Listen, things have changed between us, I have sensed it… we are different."

Donna walked up to him and tentatively caressed his cheek, "Yes, things have changed. We are different so what are we going to do about it."

He brushed her hair off her shoulder. Cupping her neck bringing her face close to his, "I am not sure but I think we should take it one day at a time."

Sighing Donna stated sadly as her breath ghosted his lips, "I am not ready for this yet."

"Then I will wait till you are ready." He stated kissing her lips very softly.

Moving away from her, he gathered his things while setting the pills back on the side table; resolving to allow Donna the time she needed. Smiling at her he stated "I am going to make some tea.'

Returning his smile Donna replied, "Okay I will be there shortly."

After he left the room Donna walked up to the pill container, opening the lid she took two pills out then stopped. Placing the white tablets back into the container she closed the lid and placed the bottle in the drawer.

Walking to the bathroom she smiled, she may not be ready yet but she hoped to be ready soon.


End file.
